I Never Blamed You
As a child I truly didn't understand what everything meant.
There were times in my life when things went smoothly and I was truly happy. Then there were those times when all I ever wanted to do was die, that very instant.
I never blamed you for the havoc and chaos our lives were in.
I always just wanted to know you were ok Because I knew in your eyes, the streets were your best friend.
I learned very young to love you unconditionally.
I couldn't imagine being angry with you over something you honestly had no will power to control. So I was there for as long as I can remember, to laugh with you, cry with you, and love you for all eternity.
I never blamed you for not being able to explain where my father was growing up because I simply didn't know.
As an adult I've learned and realized that this very experience is one that I chose. Living a life in private with a drug addicted, alcoholic father, forced me to evolve past the bullshit and grow!
I blamed the culprits of our lives that led to obsession, possession, and depression.
Drugs and alcohol dictated how our lives were going to be, day in and day out. Growing up in such dysfunction, you are forced to either fall into the same trap, or learn the hard lesson.
No Daddy, I never blamed you for succumbing to the crack pipe.
You were one of many functional people in the '80' s that did. When I was a child you tried several times to get clean, but that damn demon had you hanging on to it with all your might.
I used to say "if Mommy just loved you more then..."
But how much love can one give without losing themselves Mommy loved you, Mommy loved her kids, but Mommy also loved herself enough to know when it was time to give in.
I never blamed you Daddy, our bond was too strong.
I had to grow, I had to let go, I had to understand that in my life there wasn't just one person who was right or wrong.”
— The Love You Gave: The Attention I Craved by Nahdiyah A. Dennison